A history of unbelief, a wandering in the desert, is our toil, but we have hope. It may happen habitually in our nature to doubt ourselves and and to doubt Him, like so many that came before us. Moses doubted God 's wisdom, his successor, Joshua, trembling and fearful taking the helm of Israel into the land that had been promised to Abraham's children, is given this word from God:

Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. (Joshua 1:7 ESV)

It is hard for me, in those desert times. I forget. I forget the river days, I can't see that the desert times are actually just as rich and probably much more refining and glory revealing than the river only days, and that there is a river flowing through this desert from barren rocks and unkept hearts. To be specific, when it come to my life, there are times when ends don't meet, even now. You do without, and it is ok. It is the desert time. I can choose to complain that the manna isn't sweet enough or I can gather at the river.

C. H. Spurgeon says "This disease of doubtfulness and discouragement is an epidemic which soon spreads amongst the Lord’s flock. One downcast believer makes twenty souls sad. Moreover, unless your courage is kept up Satan will be too much for you. Let your spirit be joyful in God your Saviour, the joy of the Lord shall be your strength, and no fiend of hell shall make headway against you: but cowardice throws down the banner. Moreover, labour is light to a man of cheerful spirit; and success waits upon cheerfulness. The man who toils, rejoicing in his God, believing with all his heart, has success guaranteed. He who sows in hope shall reap in joy; therefore, dear reader, “be thou strong, and very courageous.

 My heart by nature wants to complain and doubt during the desert times, but my spirit, which is, I believe is of the Lord's, desires to "gather with the saints at the river that flows by the throne of God".

 Let me just tell you it is as yummy as it looks. I made this for the Verge and it has easily become one of my favorite things I've made. I really love baking. I hate washing dishes after though, so I sometimes don't even bother, but it is so worth it when I do. 

Pour batter evenly into the prepared pans and cover tightly with the buttered foil. Bake for 30-45 minutes, or until the cake pulls away from the side of the pan or a toothpick comes out clean. Remove the foil and let the cake cool in the pan on a rack for 15 minutes. Invert the cakes onto the rack and let cool completely before serving, for at least minutes.



Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting (my own concoction)
Zest of one lemon
5 tbsp. lemon juice
8 oz cream cheese
½ cup butter
1 ½ confectioners sugar.

In the mixer bowl, beat together the butter and cream cheese. On low speed, add the confectioners sugar, lemon juice and lemon zest until smooth and creamy.

Frost between the layers of your cake and then the outside, garnish with poppy seeds.

 So life has been completely chaotic the last few months, good and bad wash over us like waves while we glean understanding on why things happen. We are in a new place and we love it. But there is a learning curve when you lose half the square footage you had become accustomed to. We learned that we brought too many things over in our move and we had/have to get rid of boxes of things, random possesions we had collected or more like absorbed from years of marriage. I honestly dont know how we collected all this clutter over time and now Thank God we have to get rid of it. Granted, it is a slow process for us, but we are getting there. The goal is simple, unincumbered living, intentional living. A place for everything and everything in it's place. That is one of those axioms that I believe must be true for intentional living, we are just stumbling to get there. There is such a beauty in simplicity and I long for it in every area of our lives. God is so good and is forming us toward in his timing and in ways we never expected. Thank God for that.

...some cute details of our new place. I need some new photos now that it's getting in better order.

 In this year of changes, we went through a lot of financial changes. I don't own a business or have a job anymore except for freelancing for the Verge, and we have had to make a lot of changes to accomodate. It isn't easy but I see us making little strides towards financial independence.

 One of things that in January I resolved to do was not buy new clothes for a year, and so far I can tell you that I have stayed true. The reasoning behind it was to: 1. save money, we really dont have a budget for clothes, so purchasing clothes would take money from others areas and 2. Learn to be make wiser choices with money when we do have it, question whether I needed ten v-neck shirts in every color under the sun. It has definitely been a learning process and a battle of wills and partially why I dont pinterest anymore, although I have other reasons that maybe Ill go into in another post. I did have a few exceptions to the rule: essentials that I needed for any reason were allowable (tights during winter, etc.), shoes were allowable in moderation, accessories were allowable as long as they were cheap and I could rationalize why I needed it, used or second hand clothes was allowable as long as it was cheap and needed. The truth is that even though I had those exceptions I really havent bought much that fall in those categories. I bought a pair of red flats from target because I needed a pair of flats for spring and I bought a pair of tights that I ended taking back. So all in all a success on that front. Even though I defintely see pretty clothes and want to buy them I know this will make me reevaluate purchases in the next year when I am able to purchase clothing again.

 It is important for me to say that this is not a religious thing and I am not choosing to do this because I have to, but I needed to deal with issues in my heart that drove me to buy things to make those issues feel better, and also I needed to make wiser decisions when I did buy things. We live in this materialistic world that is constantly bombarding us with options to make us better than everyone else to push down the pain of inadequacy and I don't want that to be the reason I am buying clothes.  This is not everyone's struggle, nor do I expect it to be, I struggle with a multitude of theings that I have the hope that Christ continues to flesh out in me.

 I see how these things are revealed little by little with the next big thing probably dealing with unhalthy attitudes toward food, that I am sure will be a harder struggle for me, but thank God for those struggles. God knows what he is doing, and even though I am just a dust mite in the large scheme, he still orders my steps. I am a human and I fail but I am learining those failings are beauty as well, pointing to God and his miraculous grace and mercy.

on a side note kenny's band mazes and monsters played last night at Sky City and it was bittersweet because they will losing their dear Drummer and friend, Jesse, to the better and honorable Air Force. We will miss him in the band and his beautiful band wife, Allie.

look at the cutest poster Kenny made for the show last night.

The new Verge is out, pick one up or read here http://vergelive.com where you can see this and much more

For the love of onions and Julia Child I endured searing pain to my eyes from lovingly cutting onions for this recipe. Why do onions have to hurt so bad, but taste so good? I have sensitive eyes that water at the slightest irritation so I cried more than Johnny Depp’s character Cry-Baby in the movie of the same name. Sometimes you do these things as a labor of love for a good dish, and I do love onions, caramelized onions in soup, even better. I decided on a soup for this month because of a suggestion from my husband who exclaimed “Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, so six more weeks of winter, you should make soup!”, so that is what I did. We can all feel it regardless of what the groundhog says, the premature blooms that thought it was springtime are in for trouble as the air has cooled significantly. Either way chilly winds for the past few days and incoming weeks have made it perfect soup weather.
French Onion is one of my favorite soups and I wanted to do it right, The Julia Child way in Mastering the Art of French Cooking, the quintessential guide for the non French to wrap their heads around the delicacies of what is truly an art form, French food. I would love to study more recipes from her beloved book, I believe many a good cook was made that way. I will say this French Onion Soup is a fairly simple recipe if you follow the instructions carefully, a little work gets you a big reward and the oohs and awws of your family and friends for a beautiful and tasty dish. If you love all things French, Onions, and Julia Child this is the ticket. Eat with friends and don’t skimp on the soup, bread, and cheese; there are only so few wonderful things you can experience each day, make this one.

Adapted from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking
6-8 servings
Ingredients:
5 cups thinly sliced yellow onions
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon sugar
3 tablespoons flour
2 quarts beef stock
1/2 cup of a dry white wine dry white wine
salt and pepper for seasoning
3 tablespoons brandy
Round of Croutes, sliced french bread, toasted
8 oz. of Sliced Swiss Cheese

First add the yellow onions and the butter and oil to a saucepan and slow cook on low for 15 minutes, covered.

Uncover after 15 mins. and add the salt and sugar, also raise heat to medium. The point here is to get a lovely brown caramelization, this is the most important part, we are baking the flavor base for the entire soup. Stirring frequently cook onions for 30 to 40 minutes, until the caramel brown onions have been achieved.

Preheat your oven to 350. Next add your flour and stir together for three minutes, they will turn a deeper brown. Add your wine and then your stock stirring the whole time. Make sure you use your spoon to pull off any bits on the bottom of the pan, all that will add to the flavoring of the soup. Season to taste with Salt and Pepper. Now simmer, partially covered, for another 30-40 minutes. You may need to skim the soup which you can do during this time. Taste and add salt and pepper to taste, Don’t forget whichever cheese you use may have significant salt in it, be wary of adding too much salt to your soup.

While your soup simmers cut your french bread and drizzle with olive oil and toast in oven for 15 min or longer, until the edges have started to brown. Leave your oven on for cheesy good meltiness later.

Stir the brandy into the soup as soon as you are ready to serve. Pour into oven safe soup bowls, leave enough room for the displacement made by your little Croutes. Place two Croutes in your bowl, if the Croutes are large you may need only one. They will float on top very nicely and then cover the top of your bowl with your cheese slices. Place in the oven until you see the cheese melt to your liking. I like it when it starts to brown a little, like on a pizza. Cool slightly and Eat.

Rosie Hardy

Today is a day about letting go, so is the next day and the next day after, and on until the beyond and forever after that.

Letting go of my life, letting Him be sovereign and guide my steps.

Letting go of possesions and things that only muddle and confound us.

Letting go our expectations, preconceived notions and futile plans, because we trust God.

Letting go of worries in the new journeys.

Letting go of hurt and brokenness, because Christ showed us the way.

We had a family date out to the woods of South Carolina to a Pickers stash. We found a bunch of great pieces that will look great in our house. I will share with you as we work on them and get them a little polished up. Here is one item that was Kenny's favorite piece there, we will making this into our coffee table. It is an old railroad cart and has a story, we do not know that story but I have a feeling that everytime we gather friends around this table we will be continuing a history whatever that may be. Look how beautiful:

We have started to give this beauty new life, it needs degreasing, and some naval jelly and elbow grease for the rust on the wheels, also needs a light sanding so not to impale anyone with tiny splinters. For the final task an oil the wood. I am very excted and it was a perfect purchase. We have Before images and will take some after shots as well fro the comparison.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Cor 5:17

It just one of those months where everything happens all at once, February will be no different. So the time has come again, we are moving; just practically just a block away. We are somewhat moving pros now, even how much I dislike it, we know how to get it done. We are moving to a smaller apartment, 800 sq ft., and are planning out the cutest apartment with the space we will have. We will miss so much the beautiful place we have lived in the last year and are thankful for the grace to have let us live here and enjoy it. We are very excited, I always love the newness after a move. Hopefully God willing we will be making some custom pieces of furniture for our new space, with a few trips to Ikea and West Elm. We decided to move to a smaller place. So Prayer for peace and calm in this time of chaos for us, Ill share more about our decision to move in the coming weeks. 

So let's talk the fun stuff, inspiration for our new place:

This Rug:

Ikea, pic from Brick House

this beauty of a sofa for inspiration:

Piet Hein Eek

Coffee Table Inspiration:

Urban Hardwoods

If only I were loaded, this for a kitchen rug runner, this are made from plastic would be super easy to clean:

Huset

Thats all for now, I'll share more later. 

The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?

“I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.”

 My heart is a liar. The secret sin lies in wait in my heart for tiny instances of dissapointment and discontent. The sin that feeds on my depression and anger, transforms my heart to be hideous and deformed from darkness. My hear that lies tells me to trust on my own will and the will of others; no matter how human and helpless they truly are. My heart that lies instructs me to expect much and give little. My heart that lies is unloving, ungracious, unforgiving and choked with unmet profane wants. My heart that lies creates in me an abomination of mind corrupted by thoughts of hatred. The before all things and more perfect than all things, searches deceitful hearts and ruined minds. Heart and Mind so feeble and sick, in need of  a transforming of all things for his Glory. To take bitter fruit and drown in righteousness that can only come from perfect light; A light that is void of any shade and comes from a purity and perfection beyond imagining. Undeserved is my heart, my life, my mind, my soul. Grace upon grace, Mercy upon continual mercy, extended to me, broken creature of death. How can I understand? Writhing and wounded I wrestle with deeper things than I can know, forsaking Adonay, a wife of whoredom I am in my heart. Making me as the day I was born, He hedges my way with thorns. Despite self destruction and the grip of the grave, He lures me into the wilderness extending Mercy unseen and speaks tenderly to a withered soul, saying mercy for a merciless child, adoption for a stranger into an inheritance of saints. A continual searching and transforming a new creation refined by fire and spirit, I endure it, in hopes He would show me His face and allow all his goodness to pass over me which is also his glory. "Jesus, thy blood and righteousness, My beauty are, my glorious dress; 'Midst flaming worlds, in these arrayed, With joy shall I lift up my head."

Ellie

So in a coninuation of my new years post where I shared the fantastic time we had at new years, I want to share some thoughts going into the New Year. 

This Year I am not neccesarily making resolutions because I want my resolution to be that I am more Gospel Centered always, and that's a God thing, not something I can accomplish all on my own. Pastor Jeremy Carr, our pastor at the Well spoke of this in our first of the year service. I completely agree with that being the focus for me, and our family this next year because it encompasses everything. I do know in my life there a small ways that I will try to practice this, these are not resolutions that at the end of the year I bummed if I don't accomplish, these are efforts in taking away distraction and unhealthy desires so I can be more focused on him. 

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

(1 Timothy 6:6-10 ESV)

 Firstly, my friends Gracie and Allie and I will be doing a no new clothes for 2012. This will look different for each of us,  but for me it looks like this. I sometimes want for more than I have and I allow myself to jealous of others having things that I would love. I don't see myself as a materialistic person, and I am definitely not high maintenance. TomBoy in a dress, through and through. I just think that sometimes our culture has an unhealthy obsession with materialistic wants and it drives our hearts to be primary in our lives, when other things are way more important; Christ, the Gospel, family, friends. So this year I will not buy any new items of clothes from retail stores. I do have an exception; this year our family has set out a very tight budget so we can attempt to stay ahea on bills, save some money, and start paying off debt; this means that I will have 25.00 a month set aside for myself for any needs I have overall and/or thrift store shopping or buying discount fabric, and I am allowed to use it toward accessories. This makes me need to be more creative in how I shop for myself. I am learning to be content with what I have and resourceful in what I need. This is not a "have to", this is something that I have been wanting to do for a long while to help me reevalute my heart. 

 Everything else that I want to do to practice this year are outpourings of focusing on the Gospel, and hopefully biblical and Godly desires such as: be a better sister, be a better friend, give of my time more and give of my resources readily, very important: be a proverbs wife and bring joy to my husband and daughter, be a better steward of all that God has given to me; physical, material, body, mind and soul, love easily even when it is very hard, extend grace even when I don't want to, share my struggles better; with depression and hard life times and listen to others better. I can do none of this on my own.

I have a stange stirring inside of me going into this new year, no I'm not pregnant :), I just have a feeling that God is doing something that I can't understand and I have and will see things happening like the edges of lace in light. We have had struggles, my little family, and it may not get easier, but our hearts are changing we hope for contentment in Him and knowledge of Him. We know God can change our circumstances but we want to count it all joy regardless of this is where He wants us. 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

(James 1:2 ESV)

What I love so much about a new year is the feeling that this year will be the best year, that you can do anything this year. I wish I could feel like that throughout the whole year! Wouldn't that be amazing. I wanted to share what we did to send out the old year and what I have resolved to do in the year. 

This is what happened this weekend, thankful for all the lovelies that got together to make this happen: the hutchisons, the gibbses, the lucases, gracie, my beautiful family and everyone that came and had a great time and brought yummies. Great New Year!

You see what I did there? hehe. The Holiday season has been packed and wonderful, but I'm exhausted and ready for the New Year, and to start blogging regularly again. This saturday we are having a super fun New Years dance party with friends and I cant wait. It will be amazing.

 I have a lot of things rumbling around my head these last few months in preperation for our fresh start.

One of my New years resolutions was to start canning on a regular basis, specifically jellies, which we can't get enough in house that loves it with breakfast and a good lunch PB & J.  There is something beautiful and self sustaining about making your own jelly with what is in season and readily available.

 I happened across a recipe for apple jelly on the blog of food sage, David Lebovitz, whose blog I can;t get enough of. I mean who doesn't long for the sweet semicharmed life of parisian food coniessuer. I cant imagine anything else sweeter. Anyways, the recipe was so simple, that I thought it a possible task, and to  be honest it was extremely easy to do. Time is the key difficulty if any, and it only took me one night and one morning to produce six jars of lovely red jelly. I used a jonathan apple, a favorite in a lot of circles for it sweet flavor.

It's advent season, and it is time to remember why we celebrate it in the first place. Does anyone do an advent calendar, or similar family tradition? I remember doing advent calendars when I was a kid and how much I enjoyed it.

We are broken. Broken days, Broken ways, Broken lips, and Broken praise. Even if the toughest of circumstances we can see the beauty of what God has blessed us abundantly with in the little corners of our lives. We don't always see it through our brokenness. I am still broken, I say wrong words, I think wrong things, I am wrong. I am reminded in the Bible of how God uses the least of these and I have really struggle with this idea lately, because to be honest I don't see it anywhere else, even with believers. What I see, even from myself, is that we want the best of these, the ones that walk and talk and look like we think people should, we don't seek the broken, the wounded, the different. Us humans have a proclivity for the similar, let us classify all things into categories of likeness, us and them, the seemingly right vs. the seemingly wrong, yet, we are the same, each and every one of us, we wrongfully distinguish people of worth against people we devalue. Yet, God uses the unexpected. He sees value where others have not, he raises up a people from slaves and sinners and those that have turned away from him. He decides, not man. If God were like us, we would have a painfully similar universe world and we wouldn't have beautiful examples of redemption and Grace such as Zacchaeus, or raising up disciples from the lowliest and most wicked. I still struggle with this because of knowing and wanting to see it, and I may always struggle, but I give thanks for this truth, knowing that my deep struggles and pain are silently and softly being lapped over by the waves of God's Grace, even if it feels to slow and agonizing to me right now. What I know and what I feel may be two different things right now but all will be reconciled.

I can give thanks for this:

Beautiful time spent with my daughter, making teepees, playing dress up, baking, morning chats about dreams and nighttime chats about Jesus.

for my Mother and the rest of my Family. This is her when she was young, she is beautiful.

and very much for this man:

Who is a wonderful father and my best friend, overcoming all obstacles together.

I can't wait for the Advent Season, and to acknowledge the gift He has given us.

Its come to my attention that when I switched our address to .com from virb.com that not all our subscribers are getting the updates. Please update your rss feed for our site, if you experience this. Sorry for the inconvenience, love you all.

don't let the picture fool you, there is only one asian in this picture. :)

This last weekend was the beautiful wedding of our lovely friends allie + jesse. We shot one of our very last weddings ever and Emma was the flowergirl. It was a Godly and precious ceremony and I teared up when the light came pouring through the trees while they were saying their vows. It had rained all day prior to and it was sucha beautiful illustration for the beginning of their lives together. Photo from the photobooth above me and Ms. Crystal Kimm my korean drama watching buddy. I look very attractive, don't I?

 This week is also Thanksgiving and that means delicious food in preperation for the big day which will be spent at my Parent's House, where we eat American and Latin food for Thanksgiving, in honor of our Spanish side. I will be making salted caramel cheesecake and a quiche and problem some other goodies, not sure yet. I'll be sure to take pictures. What is everyone making for Thanksgiving?

 Our whole house is a mess, I have to clean top to bottom because we have a few weeks of going ons here without any time to do a good scrubbing. Pray for me, this is my least favorite thing.

I made this for my chow bella article in the Verge that is out now, check it out! It was delicious, simply delicious. Emma loved it so much she ate three slices in one sitting, and for a child who usally eats like a bird, that is very good. I tested it oiut at allies shower and it seemed to be a big hit as well. The eggplant and the squash just become so tender and beautifully soak up the flavor of the eggs that it feels as if they are meat.

We used the cutest eggplants from Sundrees, we loved these little asian eggplants.

and the finished product, It makes me hungry just looking at it.

Here is the link to Verge. One piece of advice, if you don't want to do the extra work a store bought crust is just as yummy. Enjoy!

 I would love to hear from you, I am able to see that we have very loyal readers in our stats, but we want to hear your thoughts and if you are bloggers as well, would love to visit your blogs, and we can spread comment love. Much love.

I along with some friends threw a shower for a sweet friend of ours, Allie, who is getting married this weekend. We will be photographing (one of our last) it for them and Emma is going to be a cute little flower girl. They will also be our street neighbors (two bloocks away) which is super exciting. Here are a few details.

a few instagrams of everyone that was there:

Did you ever want a homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte? 

Here is a a simple Yummy recipe I wrote about for the Verge. 

The original article here, print it out and keep.

Pumpkin Spice Latte (original found via thekitchn.com)
makes 1-2 servings
Ingredients:
2 cups milk
2 tablespoons canned pumpkin OR 1 teaspoon of Torani Pumpkin Spice Syrup (your choice)
2 tablespoons sugar or sugar substitute - you can halve this amount
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (or a ½ tsp. of a homemade mixture of 3 parts equal nutmeg, cinnamon, and allspice this is what I did and can’t imagine pumpkin pie spice could taste much better, leave extra for the sprinkling on top of your whipped cream)
1-2 shots espresso (about 1/4 cup of espresso or 1/2 cup of strong brewed coffee if you don't have an espresso machine.)
Directions:
In a saucepan combine milk, pumpkin and sugar and cook on medium heat, stirring, until steaming. Remove from heat, stir in vanilla and spice, transfer to a blender and process for 15 seconds until foamy. If you don't have a blender, don't worry about it - just whisk the mixture really well with a wire whisk.
Pour into a large mug or two mugs. Add the espresso on top.
Optional: Top with whipped cream and sprinkle pumpkin pie spice, nutmeg, or cinnamon on top.

I loved it and made it for some friends and family and they all sang praises, so I think it was a success. Let me know what you think.

-ellie

Sometimes in life you have sick days, and then you have sick weeks. I got the flu and then a sinus infection back to back and am just now recovering. Sometimes God just makes you slow down, it isn't an option. Thankful for that.

Not only was I sick in body but I had some heartsick days throughout the last few weeks, it was good to rest and refocus.

Return, O my soul, to your rest;

for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

Psalms 116:7

  Emma and I had fun though just hanging at home, watching old movies and sewing.

we made plushies that were supposed to be giraffes but kinda look like dinosaurs, that's ok, because she loves hers.

This week is halloween and I am behind on finishing Emma's Rapunzel costume, I'll be sure to take pictures of the ragamuffin princess when it's all done.

-ellie